moving in with mom after dad died

Seeing comments like I will never accept this just makes me laugh. He is imposing her on us and is threatening ushe says we have everything to lose (he is the one with two daughters and three grand-children!). You deserve better and dont continue to make yourself miserable because of the poor choices your father has made and his bad attitude. The day before thanksgiving, my mother wasnt able to get up. I dont want him to separate from them. We are just trying to cope and move on but Ill tell you, it was way too soon for us. I guess I just have a hard time understanding him. I want to apologize and she declined at my apology. We consider ourselves nothing short of blessed to have met and enjoy each other so much. Recently, she took out a stack of cards she had received over the course of the pandemic and told me how she looks at them and rereads them all the time. Chief Distraction Officer was the best role I could play. I suggested talking it out. So, your parent is moving on and has found a new love. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. When she wants him she gets him when shes bored she dumps him back only occasionally staying at his house. I dont think its unreasonable to need space. We never built a very close relationship while my mother was alive, but now that she's gone we find ourselves calling each other constantly. If youre fortunate enough to be able to spend time with someone leading up to their death, you can try your best to have the hard conversations. From being a very close knit family to being estranged is quite something. You will know who the good ones are. Because if he were to be gone tomarrow I would regret not trying. With so little communication one could only conclude that it is based on attraction rather than having a lot in common. I guess I wrote this hoping to give a Dads perspective and ask that those struggling try to accept the new person in your life and get to know them enough to judge them as they are. My husband says this is normal for him and says that he is ok with it. ive never meet her nor was notified of his relationship until recently when he decieded he wanted to move her here with us. I felt at one point I could not cope. However, the horrors of the past and the selfishness and defence of the indefensible behaviour make visiting and caring all the harder. I am glad to see I am not alone. Your Mom needs to go get a job. I only wish that they and others would stop confusing the love and devotion I had for my wife and have to her memory with moving forward and living life. Hopefully you all got the gist of my situation. He has moved in with her. I am in the same ship as most of you. Real stories from you - about taking care of others. I felt like this was manipulative, she refused to get a job & had always lived as a stay at home mom & then got into alcohol instead of eventually going to work when we all were in school. Incidentally, he didnt really develop a new relationship with anyone, and somehow I tided over the resentment and anger and we came to a place of understanding took nearly 2 years though. Life is raw, real and will make you feel every emotion and that is okay. We suffered with them too as well as all the family members. Now she is practically living at my parents house. And the really bad part is, there is NOTHING that can ever change this. New years eve and were celebrating i took a great family photo of us 4 and SHE LOST IT. 03/10/2020 23:12. They had small get-together at my Dads house after the wedding and my Dad simply did not look happy that night. You are responsible to your family: you, spouse and child. I am 56 and still feel the same way. How sad your letter makes me! One week after my mother passed a women that was a member at the same club as my parents contacted my dad to send her condolences, saying she had just found out about my mom. Especially when you're going through your own grief. This wasnt his fault he found himself in this situation just as we all have. I dont like hanging with her because all she talks about is my weight, my skin, and repeated stories about things I dont feel comfortable about (example: your father doesnt want me to wear clothes to bed. Even my 18 year old daughter says about her granddad, Hea acting like a teenage who just broke up with his girlfriend and is in a rebound relationship. Only, his girlfriend was his wife for 54+ years. I wish I could know what my mom would want for me to do because as of now, I really dont know what to do and how to handle this. We have not even gone thru my moms stuff yet. I truly hope that all of you can find peace with your fathers dating again, and I am so very thankful to have found this site. my mother had a dying wish for her ashes to be dispersed of in a specific manor and there was a plan to do this but now it has changed and i belive its because of new plans my father has made with his new girlfriend. Dont expect me to be part of your relationship. She is very social and loved the friendships She has always identified as the caregiver and may never be ready to give up that role. So now its November.. my dads house is in the process of being fully remodeled. Don't help anymore than you feel you must. Im 23 and I cannot stand the situation that i am in. We have spent the past 21 months gradually allowing everyone to adjust to this new life. Wait. We enjoyed many of the same things, and were eager to try some new ones. But you are the one who is grieving, not your Father, and you can experience it any number of ways. Try going to the movies, the shooting range, yoga, a football game, the aquarium, or some other activity that she loves. Remember him WITH her - try very hard to remember little things. My dad does not spend Christmas or Christmas Eve with his family. Never. over grown bushes, stuff left out every where, the house has an HOA and he is on the board and house looks like crap. Instead, he announced his engagement a mere 3 month and 3 weeks after her death. Now going shopping together, shes visiting alot, furniture shopping, he wants to buy her a necklace and tell her not to tell the other sister where it came from. When I left my first wife and moved in with my (then) girlfriend to whom Im now married, my eldest son who was about 23 at the time, called me up I found out that life wasnt over, that I could laugh again, that I could feel almost like the happy person that I have always been, and that it was a possibility that I could be happy again with someone else. I fear this woman has it all figured out. I can not understand their position. If you can find it in your heart to open yourself up to get to know your fathers new girlfriend better and strive to establish a real friendship with her, then you will also open the opportunity to accept her as the individual she is, and not a replacement for your mother. The friend has been a widow for a year, so it seems like she was waiting on my Mom to die. My sister and I will apparently receive an e-mail from him before the end of the year advising us of something. Im not dating her. I found this site a little late, but thank you all for sharing your stories. Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. I just hope that you could open your mind to someone new in your life, understand that they are not trying to replace your mother or father. He wants to include her in all of our family gatherings and has told me that he expects me to become friends with her. I think one thing my life has taught me is that emotional maturity is not age dependent. I felt, and still feel, as though I am left in charge of making sure he's okay. My daughter said to me yesterday when I was offering to explain something about my father Id rather not know because the situation either makes you angry or sad. Everyone has pain & heartaches in their lives Im sure they have it too. But, as a 13-year-old who had only ever lost a goldfish, I wasn't well-equipped to help her talk through her trauma. It is all I can do to keep from having a blow-up with this woman. Im fine with my daddy being happy, but IM HIS DAUGHTER, his wifes child, his first child. What kind of person pursues the spouse of a dying person? Who smiles in a DUI mugshot? They were going out a lot. During this period I recommend that the complete family join a grieving group. John Pete is a spiritual writer, founder of Daily Grief Quotes on Facebook, and was a Certified Grief Counselor for over 10-years . Her and I had a petty argument on something so stupid. Now my father has started looking for a woman on matrimonial sites which I came to know when I sneaked into his phone. After attacking my sister we could not visit at her home. Just remember, Judi, the immediate family needs and deserves time before you can be accepted into their lives dont move in with Dad and dont allow Dad to move in with you and please I dont think weve made any headway with him. I have been so shocked to read that so many daughters do not support their fathers happiness. After 3 weeks went away to his winter home for a long weekend. I even sent very clear instructions via text to my family as I boarded my flight home to Seattle. Mother died quite young age at kyle field. As executor, you could have him evicted. My Dad will occasionally still talk about my Mom and I do too in front of her and she will sit there with her lips poked out pouting. How do I deal with it? You have an alcoholic father and an abusive mother. Sorry, kid. You're best on your own. Actually, you would be best with your chosen family, the c Surround yourself with a solid community, and find people who will talk you through this kind of stuff, or willing to just talk about the utterly mundane. That was tough, as it was my Moms house too and this woman just moved in and took over. I have been there and am still there after many years. Im sorry but she is not my mother and never will be. Yes. Amongst other things I turned to biking as a release. Im really not trying to discourage anyone from accepting your own situation (in time) . You get to live your life. Oh and one more thing, on top of all this he continues to traumatized me by giving my moms and grandmas car to this lady to drive and she even uses my moms dresser and this just is so wrong I want to die sometimes to make it stop. I wont allow that to become a goal of anyone who enters into our family. Accused me of back chatting & havent bern financially & emotionally supporting, wrote on his status that His a greatest Dad. And just like your FIL, my dad goes and spends incredible amounts of time with this woman, and my mom had to beg for any time she got from my dad. Only someone that is shallow and selfish would do this. I dong want to meet her. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres. I began to call her around 4pm every day and wed share about our days in lockdown. I just hope that you could open your mind to someone new in your life that it is not trying to replace your mother or father. My dads wife wont let us have 1 minute alone with him. Because I find myself in the same situation. She has never reached out to me or tried to get to know medad justs sayd she is different and not used to a close nit family. He shows repeatedly that she is the only thing he cares about. I know that my dad harbors no ill will towards me for that.

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